but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
