Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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