A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
