All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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