Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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