sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
