That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
