ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
