my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
