I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
