Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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