you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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