At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
