Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We need a shit load of segways right now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
