People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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