i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
