And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
