apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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