Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
