Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
