Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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