And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
