yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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