one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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