So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
