theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
