You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
