Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
