We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
