Did you just see the Batmobile???
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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