So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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