Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
