CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
