the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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