i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
