Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
