i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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