Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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