Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
