Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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