Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
