I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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