omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
