Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
