My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
