a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
