Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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