Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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