What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
