this beer tastes like vomit already
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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