my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
