Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
