She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
