Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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