He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize