Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
