Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
