i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
