is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
