I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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