Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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